Pepper Died Today

Hope did not prevail in the end.  Our little blind Shepherd, the girl with the "perpetual puppy" look, died this afternoon.  We made the decision to let her go gently and with dignity. 

The MRI images showed that a tumor at the base of her brain had obstructed the flow of the fluid that normally bathes the spinal cord.  With nowhere to go, the fluid had backed up inside her brain, creating a large reservoir and causing intercranial pressure to rise dramatically.  Although the neurologists have seen this type of tumor before, they have not seen a dog in as bad a condition as Pepper.  Usually the dog is showing much milder symptoms.  In Pepper's case, she had somehow been able to compensate incredibly well while her brain was being flooded.  Yet when her brain finally was tipped over the edge, she had nothing left to give ... which is why, even today, she had yet to come out of her coma-like condition.

Dr. Wininger explained that while it would be possible to do surgery and remove the tumor, we had only a 20% chance of her surviving the operation.  Those are terrible odds but one we'd be willing to take if she could beat this thing ... but Dr. Wininger said the tumor would, in fact, come back.  Even if she survived surgery and then completed a month-long radiation therapy, the tumor would still come back -- in a year at the outside. And at that point we would have no other treatment options -- a second surgery is not feasible -- and Pepper would be right back where she is today. 

There are two possible types of tumor causing the obstruction -- a choroid plexus tumor or a meningioma.  The first one, the choroid plexus, is the worst of the two, and after surgery and radiation it would be back within months.  The meningioma is the "nicer" tumor that might allow a survival time of up to a year, but it too would still come back to kill her.

That one-year time frame is a median survival rate, so if you imagine a bell curve, a year would be at the top or center of the curve.  A few survive longer and would be on the right side of the bell curve, and a few die sooner, putting them on the left side of the bell curve.  In Pepper's case, given the severity of her symptoms, Dr. Wininger said she would already be starting out on the left side of the curve ... if she could survive surgery.

And that was only if it was a meningioma.  It was more likely -- in fact, a 50% to 70% greater likelihood -- to be the choroid plexus tumor, meaning the survival time is measured in only a few months.

I talked through all this several times with Dr. Wininger this afternoon after reviewing the MRI images.  Then I called Alayne to tell her everything I had learned.  After three long, painful and tearful conversations, Alayne and I finally decided we wouldn't put Pepper through this.  We don't mind the 20% chance of surviving the surgery, but then only to have the tumor come back ... we just couldn't see doing that to her.

Dr. Wininger said the surgery, intensive post-operative care, and month-long radiation therapy would have cost between $8,000 and $10,000 ... but I can tell you that the cost did not factor into the decision.  Had it been a $2,000 operation, we would have reached the same conclusion.  Because of the sanctuary's compassionate and generous donors, we are blessed that we don't have to make medical decisions like this based on cost -- only on what is best for the animal.

I told Dr. Wininger that we would let Pepper go.  He left me alone in an exam room to cry while they went to get Pepper and wheel her in.  When I saw her on the gurney, I knew we had made the right decision.  She was still comatose, and more than two hours after the MRI, she still had not recovered from the anesthesia.  In fact, she was unable to breathe on her own.  I don't know if she knew I was there, but I stroked her face and held her paws in my hands while I cried over our little blind girl.  And then I told her how sorry we were.  I was still holding her paws when she slipped away.

Goodbye, Pepper.  We love you, honey.

Comments

[Candace]

Thank you for sharing Pepper's story. My prayers are with you and Alayne everyday, especially on hard ones. Time with your animal babies never seems long enough...but y'all made it wonderful. Sweet Pepper is now 'looking' down on RDR.

[Barbara Arenal]

I just now read the blogs of the last week and I am completely heartbroken. Reading all the other beautiful, touching comments makes me realize that I can't possibly say anything more profound than the expressions of sympathy that they have extended, but, all of us know that you both ALWAYS, make the Best/Right medical decisions, though sometimes with a very heavy heart, and that all of us who love and respect you immensely, grieve in heart and soul with you when you lose one of your precious, beloved animal friends. Sending you love and many hugs now. God bless her, darling girl. I am truly sorry.

[Alexandra]

Somehow it was very comforting to read this because I lost my dog, Pantaloni, in mid-November. It has been hands down the most painful thing I've ever experienced...your story has made me realize that no matter how it happens, losing these angels is always devastating. I guess we just need to be grateful for the small gifts in the process and the opportunities that arise as we mourn and heal. Because of Pantaloni's passing, I now donate to your ranch quarterly. These animals continue to bless us even after they're gone. My thoughts are with you.

[nicci]

Steve and Alayne,

I was very sorry to read about Pepper. It was one year ago today we lost Spirit and I have been so busy I had not been able to read the blog so I went on tonight to catch up and was very upset to read what you had been going through. I know no words will help but know we are thinking of you and you are in our hearts. Blessings to you all. Glenn and Nicci

[Sarah NZ]

I am so sorry! You have been having such a rough time lately. Pepper is in a better place now. Hugs to you guys. I know it isn't easy.

You really make such a difference to these animals lives. The world is a better place with you guys in it! take care

[Kristen D.]

It breaks my heart to read of yet another loss. Sweet Pepper will be sadly missed.

Steve, thank you for sharing all of your ups and downs with us. I have never been to RDR, but through your wonderful writing, I feel as if I am a daily visitor.

God bless you and Alayne, and all the animals in your care.

[Boundforglory]

Steve and Alayne,
I'm terribly sorry about Pepper's passing! It was selfless of you to let her go; it sounds like it was the right time and situation and your decision for HER was what was the best. It doesn't make it easier by any means. My sunken heart and tears are with you during this difficult time.

[Leila]

I am so sorry for yet another loss.......I pray God's comfort for all of you there at the Ranch while you share your love with all the sweet creatures He has put in your care.

[Rita Boatright]

What a beautiful pup, so sorry to hear this. Heart-breaking news. I'm sure everything possible was done to save her.

[Linda Metzger]

The work you do is wrenching. You have the courage of your convictions.

[Janey Loree]

I am so sorry to hear that Pepper has died. I know that she knew that you were there beside her at the end. God Bless you and Alayne for what you are doing for these precious animals.

[LEEZA]

SO TERRIBLY SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT PEPPER. SHE WAS INCREDIBLEY LUCKY TO HATE ALL OF YOU AT THE RANCH IN HER LIFE. YOU HAVE MY DEEPEST SYMPATHY FOR THE LOSS OF YOUR SPECIAL FRIEND.

[Michele]

I am sorry for your loss. I am planning a trip to visit you this summer and she was one of my favorites!! I really wanted to meet her. I am getting ready for a fund raiser tomorrow for the rescue group I work with and have had tears in my eyes the whole time. Thanks for everything the two of you do.

[Andrew]

A little something I read today...

From a 6 year old...

"People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?"

"Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

[Shirley & James, Portland, OR]

There are three days in your dogs life you never forget...the day you get your special dog...the day you know they are old/sick, and the day you have to say goodbye. It's so painful to let go. You've dealt with so much death lately and you get up everyday and still give 150%+ to RDR--please take care of yourselves. You did right by Pepper but at times like this those words are cold comfort. I have absolutely no doubt Pepper knew you were there with her Steve and that is beautiful. I know you’ll look back and have peace about Pepper’s passing but will miss your sweet, sweet girl. Steve and Alayne—I cry with you.

[ginger & Tobias (the greythound)]

You & Alayne have my sympathy in the loss of Pepper. You did the right thing by allowing her to go to her next journey. I appreciate you staying with her, Steve, because I feel that's very important. Thank you both for all the love you give & give. I wish you both comfort during this sad & difficult time.
Sending special hugs,

[Kurt]

Another daily blog reader who has never posted before... Even though losing Pepper is difficult I always come back to the fact that Steve and Alayne gave her the life she deserved, she was cared for and loved. Without them Pepper would have never enjoyed her life at the Ranch. Steve and Alayne are hero's to me.

[Sonya Brooks]

Steve & Alayne, God bless you both. I was so, so sorry to hear about Pepper. She surely was a fighter. You definitely made the right decision and she knew you were with her at the end.
My Grandma was a firm believer in bad things running in three. You have had three now, Uncle Dillon, Luke & Pepper. Now some good things should happen. Of course, when any animal arrives at RDR it is a good thing. God knows what he's doing whether we understand it or not. Blessings to all at RDR, animals and humans. You give unconditional love and really that's all any one can do.
Sonya

[Nina]

I am soooo sorry to hear about Pepper. You did the right thing in letting her go peacefully and I am sure that she knew your presence, Steve. You showed her love and kindess, something she didn't experience with her other "humans" (and I use that term loosely!) My sympathies to both of you.

[Shannon]

Seems like its been a few rough weeks for you at the Ranch.
My heart goes out to you and I will keep Pepper in my thoughts.
Deepest condolences

[Priscilla Smith]

I'm so sorry for your lost. It's always heartbreaking losing a beloved dog. I am, however, glad to know that Pepper is no longer suffering and that she's in doggy heaven now....running happily through the grass in the sunshine with all her friends from RDR who have crossed over to this wonderful place.
Take care Steve & Alayne.

[Helen Rietz]

Your web page says that Pepper was 5 when she arrived at Rolling Dog Ranch. It doesn't say when that was, or how long you had her. However long it was, Pepper knows those were the "good" years of her life, when she was happy, cared for, and loved. You gave her that. Her writeup says Pepper was a bit surprised to be hugged, but she loved it and knew she was safe at the Ranch. Rest in peace, Pepper. And peace to you too, Steve and Alayne.

[Leigh]

Sweet Pepper was so blessed to be loved by you Steve and Alayne. You are my heroes. My heart breaks for the loss of another of the beautiful soul you have rescued and loved.

[Cathy]

Bless her sweet soul. My heart aches for both of you. It's never, ever easy to take that last, final action of love. But now Pepper is keeping watch over RDR from the Rainbow Bridge.

[Bibi]

I'm so sorry, Steve and Alayne...
I am glad that sweet Pepper had the time she had with you...........I hope that the love and care you gave her gives you peace