Little Oscar Died Today

Of all our losses in recent years, this one hit us the hardest.

I have never known a dog more devoted to a person than Oscar was to Alayne, nor a person more devoted to a dog than she was to Oscar.  And now he's gone.

Alayne's "best little dog buddy ever," as she called him, died this morning.  It was 4 a.m.  Oscar was in his favorite place, doing his favorite thing, which was sleeping in our bed curled up next to Alayne.  That's when his little heart gave out.

I had woken up at 2:20 a.m. for some reason -- very odd for me -- troubled by something but not sure what.  I finally got out of bed and headed to the kitchen to get something to eat, checked email, read a little, and then went back to the bedroom a few minutes before 4 a.m.  I had just settled down and was trying to fall asleep when I suddenly heard quiet sobs coming from Alayne.

I bolted up in bed and asked her what was wrong. 

"Oscar's dead," she cried.  "He just died!"

Alayne had come awake when she heard a tiny burp-like sound from him, reached out to pet him, and realized something was wrong ... he hadn't responded.  As she ran her hand down his body, she could feel the bed was wet underneath him from urine leaking out.  And then came the awful realization that he was lifeless.

She got up, carrying his body in her hands, and walked into the bathroom.  She sat on the floor, cradling him and crying.  I rushed over and wrapped my arms around her.  I led her back to the bedroom, and we both sat on the bed, crying over this deaf, old miniature Dachshund who had come to mean so much to us.

Oscar was already 10 years old when he arrived at the ranch.  He had belonged to a little boy who absolutely doted on Oscar, and Oscar loved the little boy in return.  They did everything together, and Oscar would follow his friend everywhere, never letting him get out of sight.  At night Oscar slept on the little boy's pillow.  The boy and his Dachshund were inseparable.  But the boy's parents were convinced their son was spending too much time with Oscar and not enough with "real" friends, so they decided to take his little dog away and give him to someone else.  They came up with all kinds of reasons why Oscar had to go, but we learned from a relative what the real motivation was ... and the relative was responsible for Oscar coming to the sanctuary. 

The little boy's family had been Oscar's third home thus far in his 10 years, and so when he arrived here he was scared, confused and terribly anxious.  But after hiding for days, he started coming out of his shell, and within a few weeks Oscar had attached himself to Alayne.  He had decided he was going to devote himself to her, just like he had to the little boy.  From that point on Oscar worshipped her. 

Alayne was everything to Oscar.  He would patiently wait by the window to keep an eye on her when she was outside, and then rush to the door, jumping up and down, barking, to greet her when she returned.  Oscar followed her from room to room, always staying by her side.  She had special "Oscar places" stashed around the house so he'd have a place to snuggle and burrow wherever she ended up.  Early on I started calling him "Alayne's minion," as I've posted before.

She always took him in the truck when she went to Missoula or Helena, sharing cheeseburgers on the road with her little Dachshund friend.  He liked going in the truck so much that Alayne would have to take him along when she took the mail out to our postbox, about 1/4 mile away.  Oscar would see Alayne with a stack of mail in her hand and he'd start barking, jumping up and down again, demanding to go for a ride.  Even when the truck wasn't going anywhere, he just loved being in it.

His relationship with me was much more complex.  While he and Alayne adored each other, Oscar wasn't wild about sharing her with me.  At bed time, when I would lean over to kiss Alayne good night, Oscar would invariably rush out from underneath the covers to start licking her on the face.  Then he'd stop, look over at me and growl, and go back to licking her on the face.  It got to the point where I'd have to hold the growling Dachshund back with one hand so I could get a decent kiss.  (I wish I were making this up but I'm not; that's what I had to put up with for the past six years!)  At times I'd finally growl back at him, "She's my wife, buddy, not yours!"

But as much as he thrived on Alayne's adoration, there was a part of Oscar that wanted to be treated like a big, rough-and-tumble dog.  So he loved to roughhouse with me.  At night Alayne usually headed to bed first, and when I made my way to the bedroom, Oscar would be lying on top of the bed, staring in my direction, waiting for me to come through the door.  He'd growl, leap to his feet and then rush to the edge of the bed, barking ferociously at me.  I'd chase him around the bed, then he'd come running at me, snarling and snapping and acting like he wanted to chew my hand off.  (Fortunately in recent years he only had one tooth left.)

To bring the wrestling match to a close, all I'd have to do is bend down to kiss him .. and he'd suddenly stop, reach up with his little head, and start licking me on the face.  Then he'd turn to look at Alayne -- "See, I won that round, didn't I?" -- bark triumphantly, and head over to burrow under the covers next to her.

Only to come roaring back out when I tried to get that goodnight kiss.

This morning, hours after he died, Alayne was still holding Oscar in her arms.  She couldn't let go.  I offered to drive him to our vet clinic in Helena for cremation, but she insisted on taking him herself.  "It's our last ride together," she told me.  Honestly, today I am grieving as much for her as I am for him.

Finally, Alayne mustered up the emotional strength to get in the truck.  We wrapped Oscar in a fleece blanket and I laid him on the passenger seat.  And off they went together, one last time.

Comments

[GiLe]

i cant think of any words to say to you Steve and Alayne, nothing would make it all better. at the moment, im crying my eyes out after reading about Oscar. i read ur blog everyday, checkin if u posted something new for that day. when i read ur blogs, i feel like i know all those animals, and each time one of them pass away, i cry for each one of them. im sure the way im feeling now is nothin compared to what you and Alayne might be feeling. im so sorry for ur loss. im again out of words, but i just wanna thank you both for giving Oscar and all the other animals a good and loving home. Im sure Oscar lived his life well bein at the ranch. hes now playin with his other friends at the rainbow bridge. lots of love to everyone at RDR.
Gile

[Lindsey and Izzy from Missoula]

Steve and Alayne, I'm so sorry to hear about little Oscar. He had a wonderful couple of years as Alayne's minion, which I know made him so happy. He was also fortunate enough to spend his last moments on Earth in the arms of the human he loved most. Our hearts go out to you both.

[Katie]

I have been reading this blog since I happened upon your website a couple of months ago. I read it everyday but I don't usually comment. This one broke my heart just as the other recent losses you and Alayne have experienced. It seems that no matter how short or long a time that they are in our lives, it still hurts when they go. I cry everytime I read one of your blogs where one of your beloved has passed. It'll never be easy but the piece of mind comes in knowing that while they were here, you gave them the best life you could. They know.
I think so highly of what you do there at the ranch. It takes so much dedication and love. Please keep up the wonderful work and know that it really makes a difference. Thoughts and prayers to you.

[usfour]

Dear Steve and Alayne--
What a beautiful story about little Oscar in the midst of your grief. I am so sorry you have lost this little best buddy. You gave Oscar the best of what anyone can ever give any animal or person of course - knowing that he was deeply loved -- and reaping his love in return. So I hope that peaceful thought helps with your grief. That is what I have drawn on when I lost animals I loved and took care of.
Sincerely,
Angela

[Mary]

Dear Alayne and Steve,
I am so very sad to hear about the loss of dear, sweet Oscar. My deepest sympathies to you both. I read the blog last night and kept waking up thinking how devastated you must both be feeling. For Oscar there was no better way for him to pass on; cuddled up to his precious Alayne. He closed his eyes, felt no pain and did not suffer.

Take good care of each other.

Mary

[Moon Rani]

I am so sorry to read about little Oscar's passing away! What a year it has been for RDR. I got teary when I read this post. Again I am sending my thoughts and prayers to both of you.

[mark]

My condolences. Oscar had a great life thanks to you two.

[Vanessa]

It seems unfair that people who do so much for unwanted and disabled animals would have to suffer so much grief. Oscar was lucky, but then again, so were you.

My heart goes out to you.

[Mircat]

What an avalanche of despair that has fallen on your heart. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I had a cat, Ginger, who was my buddy. If the other cats were laying next to me and he jumped on the bed and found them he was not happy. Ginger would plop himself nearest me even it was on top of them and then he would actually wiggle and push until he has either irritated them enough to leave or managed to shove them away until he was next to me. He would also lay on my pillow at the top of my head and drape a leg down and wrap his claws around my hair so he was attached and touching me. We were so close. He was 16 when he died and it left such wide painful empty hole in my life. I feel for you and the grief you have. I cry for you and Oscar and I'll light a candle in memory of your dear friend. Hugs, Miranda

[Carol]

Sleep well, sweet prince. We are all better for having known you.

[Nina]

So sorry to hear about the loss of Oscar. Rest assured that his last home at the ranch was heaven on earth....a fitting place for a precious minion.

[Luzie]

Dear Alayne and Steve,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. The animals that you have opened your home to are the luckiest that I know of.. it shows in your devotion to them, and their devotion to both of you. May that love help you thru these times. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,
Luzie

[Gabby]

What can I say, Steve and Alayne, that hasn't been conveyed by others already? I can only add that my heart goes out to you both and that I know how hard it is when a beloved pet passes on. Thank you for sharing the story of Oscar. Sending you both a hug--Gabby

[Annette]

So saddened to hear that you lost your best friend. Just remember that you gave Baby Oscar all your love, but what he gave you in return is priceless. I know you lost a piece of your heart. I've been through it myself. Hope you're at least comforted somewhat to know that he was in his most favorite place when he crossed the Rainbow Bridge. God Bless You! Annette Geller, Colorado

[Mary Ellen]

My hearts go out to you two...I am sure you've read "The Rainbow Bridge"..it brings some comfort to reread it..just knowing that they're waiting for you.

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

[Vicky Humbarger]

I cried reading this morning, I am so sorry for your lose, I know how attached a Dachshund can get ATTACHED to one person, and that person to the dachshund. I have a few dachshunds myself. I hope you know you gave him a great life and that he loved her alot. So sorry to have your day start with a broken heart, just know he loved you with all his heart and he will be waiting for you when you cross RAINBOW BRIDGE.

[Benita]

Alayne and Steve, I am so so sorry about Oscar. We have doxies too and he looks just like my oldest baby Lobo. It's so very hard to lose one of your babies that is so close to you. At least he had his time with you and you could give him the love he deserved! Benita

[Susan]

I am so sorry for your loss of Oscar, and for all the many losses you've had of late.

If it's any consolation at all, Buddy is going strong (he'll be 5 years old next month; we celebrate his adoption day as his birthday) and is as energetic as ever. His blindness, while perhaps getting a bit worse, doesn't stop him from doing anything and everything. :-)

Condolences from Susan and Buddy in Missoula

[megan rocker]

Oh, my heart just breaks for you and alayne.

Of course nothing I can say will make it better, but know you are in my thoughts.

[Cathy]

Words escape me yet I feel compelled to post a comment. Somehow. Having grown up with a mini black and tan, I’m always particularly drawn to your posts about the doxies in your crew. Having had to say goodbye to too many of my own 4-legged soulmates---well, this is why I’m stumbling now. There are times when words don’t work, when nothing will relieve the feeling of such deep loss. In retrospect, that is a good thing, I think. Feeling that much grief is a direct result of having loved so hard and so strongly. For what it’s worth, Oscar passed over from a secure place, from home, next to the human companion he felt closest to and who loved him most. How wonderful is that? He took one last breath on this earth and took his next in the place from which he’ll watch over Alayne and those who cared for him at RDR. Every once in a while each of us will come upon an animal companion who holds a master key to our hearts; not just any key (because they all have that), but the master key to every single bit of our souls. It sounds like Oscar held Alayne’s master key. My heart truly goes out to both of you, but especially to Alayne.

“When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that, in truth,
you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
---Kahlil Gibran

[Linda]

Dear, sweet Oscar! My heart goes out to Alayne. I know what it's like to lose your best little buddy. I hope you find comfort knowing he didn't suffer and was right where he wanted to be when he left. You gave him love and devotion and he gave the same to you. What a wonderful life you had together. Imagine the reunion you'll have at the Bridge one day! My heart and thoughts are with you, Alayne.

[Anna]

To Steve & Alayne - I'm so sorry to hear about Oscar. I was devastated to read this post, especially knowing how difficult the last few weeks have been for you all. Your grief may be inconsolable, but always remember that Oscar was at his happiest with you at RDR. His passing is made easier knowing he was among people he loved, and beside who he loved the most. A part of him will always be with you, the same way your love was imparted on him. Alayne, you will always have your little minion waiting for you - just remember that he's not really gone, but just gone ahead.

[gayle]

I can't stop crying.He had a great life and he passed next to his MOM! Thoughts amd prayers go out to you both.

[Jim]

Alayne and Steve.

I just found out this morning...as you've probably seen the arsons here in Washington, I was busy yesterday and couldn't see your blog. My heart just sank this morning. Even though I never met Oscar in person, I've known him since I first talked to you about him back in 2004. I will greatly miss him and always remember him as if he was one of my own doxie children. Although all the "guests" at the Ranch are the best, Oscar was the bestest in my eyes. He will be missed greatly. My dearest prayers and wishes for the both of you.

Your supporter and friend,

Jim

[Kristi Gross]

Dear Alayne and Steve,
I hardly know what to say. My heart goes out to you and I grieve for you. May Oscar's love and devotion for you continue to comfort you. Hugs and love, Kristi