Alayne left for Kansas today to visit her parents for a week. This might be the end of the world as far as old, deaf Oscar is concerned. He is Alayne's ultimate minion -- a minion's minion, I might even say -- who worships the ground she walks on and literally follows her everywhere. He can't bear to be separated from her for a minute. And he has absolutely no use for me at all when she's around.
(I just looked up the definition of minion: "An obsequious follower or dependent; a sycophant." It fits him perfectly.)
So if she's not here, he's glum. He's down. He's depressed. And there's nothing stoic about his malaise, believe me. No, sir. He wants you to know just how pathetic he's feeling. So he sits on the cushion in her office, staring out the window forlornly, waiting for Alayne to show up. He makes furtive glances in my direction, sighs, then turns back to the window. "Oh, it's just you," he seems to be saying. I'm chopped liver.
This goes on for three days. (I've seen this movie before.) I rarely see him. He's either in her office or under the covers on the bed, feeling sorry for himself.
Then, sometime during day three, he begins to realize that maybe ... just maybe ... Alayne might not be coming back. He starts thinking through the implications. That I might be the only meal ticket he's got, his only defender and protector. That I'm only one who can be relied on to feed him twice a day. That I'm the only one in the house with thumbs and who can turn door handles to let him out. Maybe the guy with the beard isn't that bad ... he is dependable, after all, he's here every day.
By the end of day three he's beginning to look at me as if I might matter. Or at least be good for something.
On day four he begins hanging out with me. He wants to strike up a friendship. He checks out where I am. Shows actual interest in me. "Why, Oscar, it's the new you!," I say to him, not fooled for a second.
By day five he's my best buddy. I have a minion of my own now. Who knew?
Then, at the end of the week, Alayne will drive up, walk into the house, and Oscar rushes from my side. He goes nuts. He jumps up and down at her feet, barking, tail wagging, it's the happiest day of his life (again). "See, she came back, I just KNEW it!!!"
And I'm chopped liver again. I go over to kiss my wife hello and Oscar gets between us, looks up at me and growls. "Grrrr!"
That, ladies and gentlemen, is how it goes.
(Click on photo for larger image.)
I have a minion. She is a tiny red min pin. I got her when she was 3 months old. Her name is Misty but I have nick names...Misty Mouse...Bitsy Baby...Angel. I worship and adore this dog as she does me. She sleeps next to me every night. She lays on me when I am watching TV or on the computer. She is 4 now. I have never loved an animal as I do her. When I have to go to the hospital a small framed picture goes with me. I need her as much as she needs me.
Posted by: Sheila | February 13, 2009 at 05:12 PM
Good Morning Hope all is well with everyone I, too (Judy ) have a minion,a black and tan, long haired mini Doxie-- Beanie, who adores the floor i walk on,even if he is right underfoot!!!!! These stories make a person SMILE Have you ever thought of compiling them into a book or books ? You could be the next James Herriott!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for being there and sharing Bye Judy and Joe
Posted by: Joe and Judy Taylor | July 17, 2007 at 09:48 AM
I enjoyed reading about Alayne's minion!!! This was a hiliarious blog! Oscar sounds like quite the charming character!!!
Posted by: Nina | July 16, 2007 at 09:48 PM
Tears....tears...tears...and laughter at this post!!
I can relate to this entirely; I have a feline minion; however, Oscar really should get the ultimate minion award!
Posted by: Boundforglory | July 15, 2007 at 09:46 PM
This is great !!!!
Posted by: angie | July 15, 2007 at 06:23 PM
Love your writing style. Take your minions when and where you can.
Posted by: Janet | July 14, 2007 at 07:41 PM
This put a huge smile on my face---great story! (I really needed a smile today too!)
Posted by: Shirley & James | July 14, 2007 at 12:55 AM
I bet Oscar would fit under the plane seat and would never make a peep on the ride to Kansas :)
Posted by: Nicci | July 13, 2007 at 10:18 PM
This is one of the best blogs I've read...I love binary dogs (in this case, Alayne/NotAlayne). Having been owned by a few of these in my day, I find them to be the most fascinating, stubborn, loving, demanding, and perfect dogs ever :)
Thanks for a great read...I love this blog and I love what you guys do!
Sue and the 7 rescued yahoos
Posted by: smrp | July 13, 2007 at 05:35 PM
Oscar's story is so cute; it fits in my Family too because I travel to Florida every month to visit my Dad and my Husband has the exclusive care of our two Dachshunds! What actors, my little Girls are!
Posted by: MaryJane | July 13, 2007 at 04:22 PM
ooohhhh, poor lil' sad thing! He's got the mopes. Sometimes no one can help but Mom. But Steve, surely you have minions of your own? After all, it took awhile for Daisy to even notice poor Bailey, she was so attached to you!
Hang in there, Oscar, Mom will come home soon - and be nice to Dad!
Posted by: Heidi & the kitties | July 13, 2007 at 02:48 PM
Love all the big words and the word imagery. I can really FEEL his pain, and yours! But watch out if he figures this out--bigger dogs can reach the door handles and learn how to open doors. Seen it on Funniest Home Videos. If Oscar starts palling around with someone taller, with nice-sized paws, and they head for the door, put up the video. They might just be trying to learn a new trick!! (something about an old dog learning new tricks, seems I've heard). Good luck to you both till Alayne gets back--chill.
Posted by: Susie from LA | July 13, 2007 at 01:58 PM
It's good to see a story about little Oscar. He looks and acts like my Toby who worships me :) Maybe male dachshunds are just Momma's Boys.
Posted by: Julie and her 3 dachshunds | July 13, 2007 at 12:59 PM
Ha! This one really had me laughing, Steve. What a sassy thing that little Oscar is! I just love him.
Posted by: Linda O'Neill | July 13, 2007 at 10:33 AM
That is hilarious! Dave Barry's got nothing on you today! I can totally relate because my dog is the same way with me, and when I have to go away for any space of time, he totally ignores my boyfriend as if he doesn't even exist (except when he's being fed or let out of course). When I come back, it's like the ending of Call of the Wild all over again. Too bad Oscar's deaf - the one thing that keeps my poor Boo hanging on is the sound of my voice on the phone telling him to wait and I'll be home soon, and then apparently he somehow can find the fortitude to hang on til I get back. Sigh. Have a great weekend and I hope Alayne has a wonderful visit with her folks!
Posted by: Katy | July 13, 2007 at 09:42 AM
Oscar's behaviour sounds VERY familiar!:-) My little Daphne acts exactly the same way when I'm not around...
I wish Alayne a very pleasant visit with her parents (who must be delighted to have her stay with them for a week).
Posted by: Carla Polastro-Nigro | July 13, 2007 at 05:09 AM
I have a minion too and when I am gone to see relatives....my husband's stories is very, very similar to yours. Our dog doesn't eat much if at all the first couple of days because he is sooo depressed that I'm gone, but most of all that pathetic look according to my husband is really somethin'!!!
Posted by: Cora | July 12, 2007 at 11:51 PM